The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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