so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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