3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i already hear my dad disowning me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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