go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
