Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im part way to drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
