i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
