yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
