I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
