so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Help. Why am I so naked?
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