There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
