it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
