you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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