your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
