(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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