i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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