how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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