Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
