His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
