So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
