Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
