There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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