uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
