How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
