I just threw up on my dentist
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
