Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize