Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Every concussion has its silver lining
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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