I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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