All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
