just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
