if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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