someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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