life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
