I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
