nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
