we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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