I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
