everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
