Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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