like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Two words: blizzard sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
