she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
