You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just googled if crying burns calories
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
