i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
