We're facebook friends in real life
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize