i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
