....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
