Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
