I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
