I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
