but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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