I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
