ugly people sure do ruin things
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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