its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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