He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
