So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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