just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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