Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My ass is underappreciated
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
