just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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