What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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