we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
