i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
