The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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