If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Found your dick twin last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
