Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
