I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
