my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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