You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
