Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
