Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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