this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
