Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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